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postAgora Forum Archive

This page conserves the character fiction forum of the Agora forums. The posts have been left unformatted to make it easier for users to copy them here and paste them into the new forums.

postThread table for forum City of Lost Angels - Character Fiction

Oren Itanooren12/10/08 18:25View
Missy12/10/08 22:22View
The backstory of Vulpes.Vulpes12/11/08 01:46View
Erica KesselErica Kessel12/11/08 07:52View
Missy's Story.. a Do-over and another ChapterMissy12/11/08 22:38View
UsrBinPerl12/11/08 23:48View
oren12/11/08 23:57View
Kwekwe's BackstoryKwekwe Karu12/12/08 01:02View
UsrBinPerl12/13/08 00:35View
Eternal SunsetMissy12/13/08 12:19View
Kit Ristow12/14/08 00:01View
ShyMathys12/14/08 00:27View
MasksAlissa12/14/08 00:58View
Lorae12/14/08 01:24View
UsrBinPerl12/14/08 22:07View
Missy's Story Continued..Part 3Missy12/16/08 08:43View
Missy's Story Part 4: Innocence ShatteredMissy12/16/08 18:34View
Missy's Story Part 5: Innocence AnnihilatedMissy12/18/08 17:16View
Small DangersVox12/18/08 21:36View
Saint of The Abyss: Part 1Luciferiel12/19/08 05:21View
Zero....-1Justa Zero12/19/08 17:38View
Zero....1Justa Zero12/19/08 18:26View
Óðr’s Daughter. Chapter I: A Guiding DreamAsil Karu12/20/08 02:39View
Omega To Alphaerinnic12/23/08 16:49View
Her Bloody Tears [-Past Event-]Methias12/23/08 18:09View
Lost Kitsune - A Shattered MindKiera12/25/08 18:51View
Usr's story Part IVUsrBinPerl12/27/08 20:34View
The EssexHeir Maelstrom12/29/08 04:23View
Kwekwe's shameKwekwe Karu12/30/08 18:11View
Joint Round Robin Fic Anyone...?erinnic12/30/08 19:07View
God Was On Her Lips As She Diederinnic01/02/09 23:31View
Love and Betrayal - A New Beginningkessjuliesse01/03/09 13:46View
The Diary of Cody Woodhencodywoodhen01/05/09 21:35View
Missy's Story Part 6: Innocence AbductedMissy01/07/09 06:23View
Cursed BladeYannis_Martynov01/08/09 21:27View
Story Thread: Community Round Robin Ficerinnic01/09/09 23:25View
The demon withinCanly Fargis01/11/09 16:14View
Ziau- CoLA's Very Own CasanovaZiau01/13/09 02:09View
Twisted Attentionserinnic01/21/09 20:34View
Inspiration- music and roleplayZiau01/26/09 08:01View
Compilation! Where were you when it all happened?Ziau01/28/09 09:12View
The Clock Struck MidnightMalice Ashdene01/28/09 22:31View
With Precision- a poem by Kelly Welch A.k.A Ziau Jua.Ziau01/29/09 04:36View
Alisa's dicovery of a new world (character sheet + story)Alisa Draconia01/30/09 19:17View
The Shadow Stepper- Ziau the Enshadowed.Ziau02/01/09 07:26View
Krista Lemon arrives to the streets of Lost AngelsKrista02/03/09 00:09View
Back Story Upto the Excile of Rune.RuneCrimson02/03/09 21:59View
War with the Brood, war with the Coven, and the Pack.Ziau02/07/09 04:11View
-- Halcyon's Backstory --Halcyon Nacht02/08/09 00:22View
Planer/Exonar family (aka, Erinyse, Khalan, Viridian, Cummere, Selena)Cummere Mayo02/08/09 03:53View
Kit's BackstoryKit Ristow02/10/09 18:40View
Eyes in the DarkKeyla02/11/09 09:47View
Surfacing Part ILlyr02/13/09 22:21View
Surfacing Part IILlyr02/13/09 22:35View
Tama-Chan: A Cat's Story (Tamara's background)Tamara02/17/09 07:35View
Project: A map of Post Apocalypse North AmericaTamara02/17/09 19:21View
Dreamtime RevelationsWinter02/19/09 18:08View
Reaver-the echo of the BlackwindAntiZero02/23/09 00:43View
On the Origin of SpeciesTamara02/25/09 22:38View
ConfessionKit Ristow02/26/09 01:39View
Personnel File: Pointe, Zsuzsanna C. (Inactive, Deceased)Su Pointe02/26/09 03:32View
Malice, in a Different Kind of WonderlandMalice Ashdene02/27/09 18:07View
The Dark of InspirationKit Ristow03/01/09 21:42View
Jheric: CrucifiedKayle Ashdene03/03/09 10:53View
It's my lifearsene_Braveheart03/05/09 18:18View
The Tradgedy of the HybridDigital Enigma03/29/09 07:09View
The Sin of Wrathmolly switchblade04/02/09 21:28View
Golden BoyEphran Ehrler04/15/09 06:12View
Story About A GirlAesendria04/24/09 15:34View
Climaxe by Smith and WessonSloan04/28/09 06:19View
My new project ATTENTION Russian Characters!Ziau05/01/09 06:42View
**NSFW** A Typical Tuesday Night for MissyMissy05/06/09 20:48View
Post your profile links!Cortero Landar05/07/09 10:25View
Making Logan SufferAesendria05/12/09 07:09View
Jeanne VarunJeanne Varun05/14/09 08:24View
The Vanguard's True PurposeLogan05/16/09 01:03View
Cortero's Infernal ArmorCortero Landar05/16/09 06:52View
Bookstore SurpriseAesendria05/16/09 23:16View
Post your profile links if you have in-story info in them!Cortero Landar05/18/09 10:33View
PromisesAesendria05/24/09 02:44View
Cyber Evolution Bios, Anur Seda, Cyber Reaper, and Commander of CETheassassin06/08/09 11:28View
Was any of it real?Youko_Giha06/12/09 15:28View
A shift in prioritiesLogan06/17/09 04:21View
Going homeLudvig06/17/09 19:10View
'Ren in Japanoren06/18/09 23:11View
Thelma across the boardThelemaJuliesse06/26/09 15:09View
Pre-fiction: How Kayteear got here.Kayteear07/15/09 16:43View
Story TimeCharissa07/17/09 19:03View
Pack Airship RP.Tai07/27/09 02:49View
My CharacterLilith1308/05/09 22:34View
LilithLilith1308/06/09 09:30View
The Haunter in the DarkShadow08/14/09 21:50View
The Flying HeadsKwekwe Karu08/16/09 16:52View
Why selling coffins is impossible in CoLAZiau08/23/09 04:14View
Paint it red!Ziau08/23/09 07:51View
Young Cowards.Ziau08/23/09 08:28View
Great video for RPers and people passionate about writing.Ziau09/05/09 08:55View
Dux - 264 BCDux09/10/09 18:41View
The Thing at South Gate SanitariumShadow09/15/09 22:09View
♪♫ Do you wanna RP my avatar ♪♫Kayteear09/17/09 14:45View
Jessica's MotherJessica Susser09/21/09 04:19View
Ziau Challenged me to. NSFWChasityDawes09/21/09 07:17View
The Divine Machine.................Theassassin09/21/09 22:29View
I Bleed my Blood for Myself.Ziau09/22/09 22:28View
Cronicle of a deathKayteear09/24/09 01:34View
"Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself"DavidJoshua Artful09/26/09 17:07View
Old Versus NewDigital Enigma09/27/09 20:28View
The Shadowed Order, The Eternal Order, Ordo MachinaTheassassin10/06/09 06:55View
Elamyrath's HistoryElamyrath10/10/09 00:52View
The here, the now, the dead. The Minus.TheMinus Ziskey10/10/09 12:41View
Before bed ritual.Amy Guisse10/17/09 04:13View
Alone?Ike10/18/09 15:34View
IS this High School again?Theassassin10/24/09 12:49View
Sidhe vs DrowOrlok Lectar10/29/09 04:08View
Daddy bluesarsene_Braveheart11/17/09 19:01View
Chronicles of SIEagentlyseria11/22/09 12:27View
The Lady In Black(A Drokan Exile Twisted Love Story)AntiZero11/29/09 06:36View
The growing Darkness.Leirain Koray12/01/09 11:04View
The lycanKayteear12/01/09 16:00View
City of Lost Jackman: The Untold Hollywood BlockbusterAntiZero12/02/09 07:11View
Coming home for christmas ..Kes12/10/09 22:17View
Bunneh Vs. Lich, DBZ styleKarsha Yutani12/14/09 11:59View
A FarewellRoland12/16/09 20:50View
Of Death and RebirthDigital Enigma12/21/09 20:14View
The Story of ReocoReoko Farspire02/06/10 20:47View
Homecoming......... The Story of Orpheus DarkfoldOrpheusDarkfold03/11/10 02:27View
The Story of Orpheus Part 2OrpheusDarkfold03/13/10 23:15View
Who owns who?Kayteear03/22/10 22:03View
Missing the Oceanricercar03/23/10 22:27View
Letter to the editor: Manners in LATink03/25/10 16:58View
Chasity BackstoryChasityDawes06/14/10 19:43View
Something Black and Violent...DavidJoshua Artful06/19/10 22:23View
Doctor Visiterinnic07/12/10 04:26View
Gabby Perdidevacantghost07/19/10 04:42View

postTopic Dux - 264 BC

PosterMessageDate
DuxNo one knew why this war had started just that we would win it or die trying, our Garrison had been slaughtered by the Carthaginian dogs and they would pay. I had promised the consul to hold Sicily and so I would, even if I was to burn the whole island to do so.
The letter had come 7 days earlier with a runner from the Senate bearing the consuls insignia on it, we were to move out immediately and take all the regulars with us, this meant that we could not muster our cavalry in time and they would have to catch up with us as we marched.

The men was pushed hard they walked briskly 30 mile a day, some could not keep up due to injuries and exhaustion but they would be picked up by the caravan of supply and medical carts trailing behind, by the time we reached the shores of Sicily we had almost lost another garrison but nothing short of an act of the gods would stop us now, vendetta was in our blood.

The specialist corps had headed out in front and prepared the passing to the fateful island. It was that night at the shores I saw her the first time, she seemed to be a simple peasant woman trying to keep what little food she had left from the legion, I rode up to her house and chased off the Ventri that were trying to collect food, and excusing to her for their insubordinate behaviour, she looked at me with an intensity I had never seen before, her eyes was seemed to be glowing in the night and her voice was like ambrosia to my ears as she thanked me for the help, it was almost deafening in its intoxication and nearly made me fall off my horse. The horse was not happy with her at first which was strange, this battle hardened steed had properly seen more wars then me and yet it was scared of this woman. Riding back to camp I could not get her eyes out of my vision and her voice lingered in my mind as a muse singing.

The legion marched into battle 3 days later with the full force of the Roman might, short of our cavalry which had been stopped dead by massive waves in the usually calm waters between the mainland and us, the gods was truly watching this spectacle and we were about to give them a show that no man had ever seen before, a battle field with nearly 5000 men strong on each side, a sight you could only dream of, and we would win I could feel it in every cohort, in every man. The battle did not start until dusk, for some reason the foreign dogs would not attack, they just stood there taunting yelling and screaming for hours, they did not quiet until my second ordered the legion to start singing in unison. The voices of our soldiers roared and their stomps shook the ground, swords clanging against the shields, it was enough to give everyone chills and make most of the enemies stop their taunting, even a few broke and fled.

The light fell early as clouds drew in over the the area and the battle started as the dark sound of their horns bellowed to the sky. Racing to our front lines the masses plunged into the spears and shields, the files were holding ground as wave after wave clashed upon our Roman rock. Our lines were being rotated faster then usual, looking to my advisor, he informed that they were getting depleted fast, we would have to make a move or we would break. It was at that time out of the corner of my eye I spotted what their tactics was. They were stalling with the onslaught so that a tactical force could outflank us, their futility was worse then our depletion, quickly I ordered the arches to turn on the flank and rain steel on them. It was at that moment of impact that I knew we had lost.
The cloud of arrows darkened even the clouded sky and as they impacted on the enemy units but they just stood there. waiting and then continued on, most of them must have had 10 or more arrows dug deeply into them, they pulled them out and shrugged it off like it was nothing, the next thing I saw was our right flank getting torn into, I have seen blood on the battle field before but this was stunning, the artillery master ordered the balistas and catapults to fire tar bombs and fire bolts into the right flank to stop the unraveling, but it was over as quickly as it had started....

---

The smoke was crawling heavy over the battlefield from the still burning tar bombs, in the distance you could hear the screams of men slowly dying, their pleads for help as the triarii walked the fields and mercifully killed the ones that could not be saved, it was the worst job but also the most honourable one to do, and only the veterans would ever be handed this task.
None the less it was a sight that would be burned into their already battle hardened minds, there was something else on these fields, whispers, shadows, maybe it was the gods that had come to bring home the men that had fought valiantly.
Lying in the mud of dirt and blood I was hoping they would bring me to Valhalla, though I was a Roman officer, my flesh and mind had always been Norse, the gods and goddesses had a profound influence on me when I fought they chanted and sang with the clang of my blade they cheered when an enemy fell to my hand, hopefully Odin's Valkyries would bring me home.
I could not feel my right leg as it was crushed under the horse and my chest was hurting profoundly, slipping in and out of consciousness I tasted my blood with every ragged breath that I failed to complete, the bubbling wheezing of perforated lungs filled my ears.
There she was again the old woman of the land, was she to be my guide to the other side, she could not possible be here with the oceans in uproar, no one could have come from the mainland, yet I heard her voice in my head loud and clear, it was as she was taking the pain away, I opened my eyes, it was her but she was different she had a vigor about her that she did not have before and her eyes were sharp and clear like they could look through my soul, she was talking again but I could not hear her, the tormented frown on my face must have stopped her , she looked intensely at my chest, or where it should have been, it was clear to the sky that I had been torn open by some ferocious creature, baring my insides. her voice sang inside my head again and she was not wording it, asking me if I wanted the gift. What gift could she possible give a man that was about to travel to the other side, her answer was as swift as my dazed mind could handle.

The gift of eternal life, every fiber in my shredded body screamed yes but all that came from my lips was blood and a bit of air. She put her hand lightly on my crushed skull and kissed me, it all most seamed like she was drinking my last breath but I did not mind, not now. An eerie calm fell around us as she bend in over and flung the horse away with a single hand freeing me, I must have had a terrified expression because the next I heard was her soul opening up to me swallowing me in a comforting darkness with the last words I remember whispered to me "drink, drink all that you can, you will need it".

The long and lone travel over the oceans of life and death was shrouded in a cover of silence and images, like passing through a fog of souls stuck in the beyond, as I traveled to the dark side with your mind and soul guiding me through the silent night, ever calling for me to join the ranks of damned. Finally I found my husk again and flowed into it with a vigor and strength that I had never felt before, I opened my eyes to meet her face close to me, she had never left my side for a moment, a broad smile crossed her sweet dark deathly lips as she felt me come back, and her velvet voice carried me back to life again.

As I opened my eyes I saw her over me sitting there in the darkness, her mind had enveloped us and concealed us from the world, there was only two beings left, a unity of soul and blood, and she whispered softly,if I would join her in the ranks of damnation, I could not resist the power and lust she had shown me, it filled me with something I had not felt in a long time not even as a living being. My eyes filled with hunger as my mind screamed yes now and forever, even though my lips merely manage to rasp a low yes again , she felt it, you have my soul my lady now and forever. Slowly I managed to raise my hand to her face to make sure she still was real, feeling the warmth of her skin on my hands made me smile even more, you are here...

The nightmares haunted me for endless days, strange tales of the abyss, the monsters that lived there, the wars, the excommunication of heavens, but also the sense of belonging to something huge, to a collective and when ever I thought I would be lost in them the voice brought me back, guiding my feeble mind.

I woke up screaming in complete darkness in a cold murky cave, not being able to see or hear anything around me but the sounds of water dripping from above. There she was again sitting on a stone at the other end of the cave, her glowing eyes blinking. She walked over and sat down next to me "how are you feeling" she asked in an almost whisper, I did not know but I had no pain so the words that came bumbling of my lips "I feel no pain" she smiled and caressed my head "you have been asleep for nearly a month, you know".

My startled look must have amused her because for the first time I heard her laughter, it sang as it echo both in my head and the cave, carrying all the emotions in the human spectra and even some that were still incomprehensible to me at the time.
Slowly my vision became better and it seemed that the cave was getting brighter, I could see the contours of the rock and once again I could see her face, it was then I realized that I had not saved her from the soldiers but the other way around, my gesture had been unneeded, I wondered for a long while, why she had allowed me to do it.
Sitting up it dawned on me that my legs was fully functional and with the sudden grasp to my chest as if my heart and intestines was about to fall onto the floor made her laugh again, she enjoyed the emotions, fears and confusion that I was pumping into the cave, it was like she was drinking it up, "not to worry my officer, you are completely healed and have been so for well over 2 weeks now".
She must have enjoyed my utter ignorance and disbelief again, because with every sentence she spoke it drew a new face on me and it was completed with laughter from her. She excused herself for laughing at me and all I could return was "I am still confused why you chose me over the others on the field", a more serious thought swept over her face as she started to tell about what really had happened on the fields.
It was no ordinary battle and the Brujah broke the rules. she said, they wanted dominance over the whole Mediterranean area but the Ventrue rulers in Rome would not allow it, they called for a meeting of the Clans to get the council to condemn the actions that the Brujah have taken. Brujah, council, Ventrue who are all of these?, my thoughts were a flurry but far in the back the names seemed to make sense and emotions formed with them, she looked again at my face as the blood memories began to surface, and then she continued.
The council voted to call for our help, that is the only reason that you are still alive, I am an envoy of the 7 embodied in an Antediluvian, and so are you now, I am your Lady, you Mistress and guide.
The immediate reaction inside of me was that of disbelief, not that she was a Demon but that she should be my Mistress, but that came to a jarring halt as her piercing eye struck me and with a low growl snarled "forget what you know of the world, you men are not superior to my form, and you will be wise never to forget that".		09/10/09 18:41
MissyOhhh.. very cool Dux! I enjoyed it a lot. I can tell you are writing quite quickly.. that your thoughts are flowing fast as you put them on paper. Your descriptions of the battlefield are very vivid. I'd be terrible at writing those... I'm not much one for blood and guts sorts of things, but I can appreciate the talents of others. Keep sending us some more!09/10/09 19:45
orenExcellent. You paint a vivid picture little one. I'll let you live another day for amusing me.

BTW-- exasperation should probably be exhaustion, arrow's should be arrows, "gods and and goddesses had and profound influence" there's an extra and, also the third and should be an a, "the oceans in uproar no one could have come from the mainland" you either need a comma after uproar or you need at add an before uproar, "Our lines were being rotated faster then usual, looking to my advisor, he informed that they were getting depleted fast, we would have to make a move or we would break, it was at that time out of the corner of my eye I spotted what their tactics was, they were stalling with the onslaught so that a tactical force could outflank us, their futility was worse then our depletion, quickly I ordered the arches to turn on the flank and rain steel on them. It was at that moment of impact that I knew we had lost." is quit a long sentence, it has several natural breaks in it, you might consider dividing it up for clarity, "concealed us for the world" for should be from, "and she whispered if I would join her in the ranks of damnation" is pretty unclear, might I suggest "and she whispered softly, would I join her in the rank of damnation" or at least I think that's what you were going for, "a cold musky cave" did you mean murky, musty? or did you really mean musky which implies animal scents?, also, in that same paragraph you start to use quotation marks to highlight speech, you didn't do that anywhere else in the story, so for clarity you might want to pick a style-- I suggest using quotation marks throughout, "human spectra and even some that was still incomprehensible " was should be were, "the brujah has taken" you capitalized Brujah everywhere else, and this should be have, not has, "Antediluvian" is spelled "Antediluvian"		09/10/09 19:46
Dux[quote=oren]Excellent. You paint a vivid picture little one. I'll let you live another day for amusing me.

BTW-- exasperation should probably be exhaustion, arrow's should be arrows, "gods and and goddesses had and profound influence" there's an extra and, also the third and should be an a, "the oceans in uproar no one could have come from the mainland" you either need a comma after uproar or you need at add an before uproar, "Our lines were being rotated faster then usual, looking to my advisor, he informed that they were getting depleted fast, we would have to make a move or we would break, it was at that time out of the corner of my eye I spotted what their tactics was, they were stalling with the onslaught so that a tactical force could outflank us, their futility was worse then our depletion, quickly I ordered the arches to turn on the flank and rain steel on them. It was at that moment of impact that I knew we had lost." is quit a long sentence, it has several natural breaks in it, you might consider dividing it up for clarity, "concealed us for the world" for should be from, "and she whispered if I would join her in the ranks of damnation" is pretty unclear, might I suggest "and she whispered softly, would I join her in the rank of damnation" or at least I think that's what you were going for, "a cold musky cave" did you mean murky, musty? or did you really mean musky which implies animal scents?, also, in that same paragraph you start to use quotation marks to highlight speech, you didn't do that anywhere else in the story, so for clarity you might want to pick a style-- I suggest using quotation marks throughout, "human spectra and even some that was still incomprehensible " was should be were, "the brujah has taken" you capitalized Brujah everywhere else, and this should be have, not has, "Antediluvian" is spelled "Antediluvian"[/quote]
Thanks Missy :)

And thanks Oren for the corrections that fell through the half eyed proof reading, I corrected most of them ;)		09/10/09 20:21
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